Everything is piling up. The pressure to find a job. The pressure of silent disapproval. The pressure of the ‘no’s. The simple pure pressure of living.
And when I thought that I didn’t have a curfew because she’s not picking me up since my friends has been driving me home, I’m lectured that I am not respecting the curfew and that she should start picking me up again. That I will wake up at 1pm, but she won’t. And that the vacation is nearing its end.
It just ruined my day.
The thought that she doesn’t trust neither me nor my friends plays in my head.
I started to think I hate here. That I need to leave, that I need to vanish. That I only bring worries, disappointment and expenses. And I just hate myself for that.
And it’s not the first time this year I think I should just die and that the world is better of without me.
Silly thought, I admit. But very persistent.